Searching
May 6, 2009
As I was tweeting about how I feel kinda lost and a lot unsatisfied with where I am at (mostly ministry wise), a thought dawned on me.
But first let me give you the thoughts leading up to it.
“Things aren’t going like I would like them to go.” I wish things would go the way I would like them to go. I like when things happen according to a plan. The problem is my plans usually aren’t that great. I wonder if great things don’t go the way you would like them to go. But I do want more. I want more influence. I want to see more lives changed. I want bigger things for the kingdom of God.
“I wonder what I should do to change that.” At least, I have thought about maybe wanting to change. I know that’s not great effort. But let’s face it: change is not fun. Unless you’re changing someone else.
“I’ll get some books.” I like to read. And I have always been one to fall into the trap that if you have written a book then you probably have something to say (which isn’t always true).
“I’m gonna tweet about this.” So I did and in the middle of my tweet.
“Dang. Maybe God’s trying to do something.” Funny how long it takes me to get the point where I recognize God is trying to do something. I tend to put the “spiritual” on a shelf cause I can’t control it. But in reality I probably just need to spend some time with God (which could be why I made a worship set with that theme). Anyway, I need to let God work in me.
“I’ll think I’ll blog about that.” Clearly I need to stop working on the computer as it rarely moves me towards something useful.
I have that same problem. where i sit at night and say “dang it!! thats not what i had in mind for today” i struggle with this a lot, i find myself wanting everything my way, always my way, it has to be my way or its not going to work. then when my way doesn’t work I’m like “oh yea, maybe i am not as smart as i like to think i am” i struggle with always wanting things for my self then God slaps me and gives me a reality check, and it usually takes a few weeks for me to figure out why i needed a knock to the ego. then i think “okay, how do i listen to what i need to so that way i don’t make the same mistake?” then selfish me the whole situation happens all over again.
“always my way, never Gods way… wait, thats not right…”